my sisters under your porch take her home
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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