she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
