As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
