gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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