Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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