I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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