Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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