I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
