Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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