I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
