Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
