Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
