normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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