her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
