It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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