$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i dont even know how to be here
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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