You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize