fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
