her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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