I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
