So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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