I wish I only lived at night.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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