If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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