Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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