Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
