OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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