dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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