yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
