I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
