the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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