margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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