I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
