you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
