I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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