Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
