im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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