I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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