Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
