No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
