she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
