Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
