If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
