Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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