oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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