Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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