ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
