Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
