It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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