sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
