Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
