Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
