i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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