my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
