hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
