batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
