It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
