You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
