sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
