and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
