we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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