Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
