masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize