omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
