so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
