I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
