Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
