During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
