You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
