I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
