I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize