yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Me too!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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