highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
