dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My vagina is officially offended.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
