I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
