I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
