She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize