mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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