sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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