HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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