Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
